Goodbye
by AoifeRose
Summary: Set post 5x09 Maura and Jane say goodbye. It's not my usual kind of writing but I wanted to write an alternative final scene for that episode.


**Set post 5x09 so please don't read if you don't want spoilers. Otherwise none of them are mine! This is quite a sad piece that talks about grief and loss so if you're in a bad place I'd steer clear of reading for a bit. And talk to someone – talking does help I promise x**

As the last of the family left, Maura cleaned away the pizza boxes. Jane was curled up on the sofa; a throw over her legs, her head resting on a pillow Frankie had retrieved earlier when she winced as she changed position. She smiled at her big brothers concern but she hoped to God it wouldn't go on much longer. She hated pity, hated appearing weak.

Maura called from the kitchen asking if she wanted another beer. Jane turned it down and Maura put the back of her hand to her forehead pretending to check for a temperature as she sat down. Jane swatted it away and smiled.

"If I had a fever they wouldn't have let me escape that hell hole"

"Granted that's one thing you can't fake. But I've seen you pretend to be fine after you shot yourself when you were in fact nowhere ready to resume active duty"

Jane grunted and rested her head back on the pillow.

"You must be tired. I'll let you rest"  
Jane reached out for Maura's hand to stop her leaving.

"Can you just… I don't want to be alone"

Maura nodded as she held Jane's hand the same way she had in the hospital running her thumb over and back across her knuckles. Pulling her feet up under her she repositioned herself so she could be comfortable while Jane rested.

Jane's eyes fluttered closed after a minute and Maura watched her friend descend into a restless slumber, still holding her hand as she tossed and turned.

After an hour Jane sat bolt upright, squeezing the hand holding hers tightly. The first word out of her mouth was "Tasha".

Then she felt the hand holding hers slowly stroking her knuckles.

"Jane"

Jane refocused her vision. Maura, it was Maura saying her name.

"Jane"  
"Mmm"

"You're safe, it's ok. Tasha is fine. You're in my house. You're safe"

Jane slowly relaxed her body from its seizure like state and loosened her grip on Maura's hand.

"Sorry I just, wow that was a seriously real dream"

"You weren't asleep long enough for it to be a dream"  
"Ok Doctor Freud, a nightmare"  
"Not that either"  
Jane groaned and shot Maura that look that reminded her Googlemouthing, especially when Jane had just woken up, was a very bad idea.

"I'm sorry. I was just…" That look again "Never mind. I think we should relocate you to your bedroom. Your neck is at a very awkward angle lying like that and you will end up with further injuries. I cannot have that on my conscience"  
"Well far be it from me to upset your conscience" Jane moved her neck and winced, catching a knowing look from the other woman

"Ok ok nerd, you're right, it hurts"

Maura was immediately concerned. She couldn't bear to think Jane in any further physical or mental pain.

"Turn around"

Jane looked at her as if she'd lost her marbles but Maura simply repeated herself. Doing as she was told she immediately felt Maura's hands on her shoulders, her thumbs kneading the bottom of her neck as the tips of her fingers went to work on her shoulders.

Jane flinched when Maura hit the spot that was hurting from her awkward sleeping position. The Doctor lightened her touch but continued to work her magic.

Jane moaned when Maura hit a particularly tense spot between her shoulder blades. Once again Maura lightened her touch but continued to work on the area.

Jane began to lean back against Maura, the feeling of sleep overcoming her again.

"Maur, this is so good, but I'm getting sleepy" as if to emphasise the point she yawned loudly.

"Ok, I'll finish in the morning. Lets get you to bed"

This time as Jane stood there was no pain. She thanked God for the talents he'd given Maura Isles.

As they made their way upstairs, hitting the various light switches and checking doors were locked the routine was familiar and reassuring to Jane. Right now it was exactly what she needed. The feeling of being afloat when she was alone in the hospital scared her. She needed to ground herself again. And she was in exactly the right place to do just that.

Getting to the door to Jane's room Maura turned to say goodnight but she saw the sadness in those beautiful brown eyes and she knew she couldn't leave her best friend alone with her thoughts for the night.

Taking her hand she lead them to her bedroom. Grabbing a spare yoga top and sweats that belonged to the detective that she'd stolen from her from a drawer Maura left her and went to the bathroom to freshen up and pull on her night clothes.

When she came back into the room Jane was still dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. Maura caught a glimpse of the tears before she heard the sob, the lamplight catching them as they fell. She was by her friend's side in an instant, holding her head against her stomach, soothing gently, stroking her hair, whispering words of comfort that she knew were meaningless but which were all she had right now.

Jane's tears were soaking through her camisole and Maura felt her heart break as she heard the simple one word question her friend managed through the tears: "Why?"

Maura moved to bring Jane down to lie on the bed and moved in along side her so they were facing each other. Placing one hand on her back rubbing gently the other cupped her cheek, her thumb wiping away as many shed tears as she could.

"The force of any one of the blows you sustained would have been enough Jane. Combined the baby didn't stand a chance"

Fresh tears fell but Maura knew she hadn't caused them. It was simply the reality of what had happened setting in. The full force of loss was hitting her friend square in the chest and it was hurting her severely.

As tears began to slowly abate Jane's thoughts turned to something Angela had said in the hospital "Ma lost a baby you know? Before me"

Maura nodded "She told me. The first night we stayed with you, we talked all night and she told me"

"I never knew"

"She said she didn't want you to think that you conceived to make up for the baby she'd lost"

Jane contemplated the enormity of that statement for a moment. It had never occurred to her that that's why her mother had kept her miscarriage from her.

"Also at the time they didn't really talk about the issue of miscarriage. It was seen as something that was unfortunate and sad but it wasn't discussed"

Jane thought about how hard it must have been for her Ma to live through that.

"I'm so glad I have you all to talk to"

"For as long as you want to talk you know we'll be here to listen"

Maura leaned in placing a gentle kiss on Jane's forehead. She shed a single tear and thought Jane had missed it until she pulled away and the light had the same effect as it had earlier. Jane moved over so she could hug Maura to her.

"I know it hurts"  
"You would have been a wonderful Mom Jane"

"And you would have been the best Godmother ever"

"Godmother" the word caught in Maura's throat as she said it.

"There was no one else on this planet that I would have chosen except you"

Holding each other tightly both women shed tears for a little being they didn't get to know but who would always be a part of them both.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**A/N Again one of those situations where my normal M rated stuff didn't really seem apt. I wanted to write this, as it was what I wanted to see happen after 5x09. But it was good to see everyone rallying around as well. God Bless Jan Nash! **


End file.
